Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Dark Thoughts
Usually I don't REALLY share here. Most times I like to keep things upbeat. That's how I am in real life too.

I think I've written before that my youngest son (14, 15 next month) has been on depression medication. It's been a year now. We've switched meds and changed dosages in that time, trying to get to the light, if you know what I mean.

Last weekend, he had an "episode". He has a rage so severe that he cannot control it. He did not hurt himself or anyone, but he said he heard voices. One voice was trying to reason with him to calm down and the other he said, said no. I could tell it really freaked him out. He's not sure if it was it own voice or not. So I called Childrens Hospital to schedule an indepth interview with a psychiatrist. I also talked with our GP, who is so wonderful. It's weird that when I called the hospital, I had to leave a message. The recording said, that due to the number of calls they receive, I should get a call back within one business day. My god, how many adolescents are having problems? There are only 3 Adolescent psychs in Akron, the rest are psychologists or counselors. That's why I had to go through the GP for meds. My son did not like counseling, at all. Let's hope this time, he will be more open.

He stayed home from school yesterday. We discussed how he was feeling. I asked him he was having suicidal thoughts. He said no. He's pretty open and honest with me about what's going on if I ask him directly. I went home to check on him at lunch and as I was walking up the stairs to his room, I said to myself that my life could take a drastic turn for the worse in the next 30 seconds. Will I find my son dead. It's a dark thought. One I have often.

I'm not looking for sympathy or advice here. Just sharing. Things like this are real, not just on the news.


Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

I've missed you on the blog, Free.

I'm really sorry to hear about how your son is. It must be so worrying for you. Hope it does work out.

Blogger Carmi said...

I'll say a little prayer for you all. Thankfully he has a Mom who does everything within her power to help. That alone is enough to convince me that his future is bright. How lucky he is.

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